Lately I've been feeling sad and frustrated with everything like every single thing. It just pains me to have my parents doubt me when it comes to my attitude and stuff like they don't even know what they're saying for the most part. Sometimes I just want to laugh at them cause they don't get what I'm going through and I can't even explain it to them because I think it's just a waste if time and energy. I've been grumpy lately not because I'm not getting the iPhone 5 but because he said something that really hurt me but I chose to keep quiet cause I really don't like explaining myself, I just don't. Well probably you would think I'm nuts for feeling like this but everything just piled up. Every hurtful comment from everyone just sank in and it's just painful to hear them from people who don't even know you but it hurts more when people who are close to you say it. I've been feeling crappy for a very very long time but I chose to keep quiet and show everyone that I'm strong and that I could take in every hurtful joke(for them it was) but I had it I'm done I can't even handle this anymore and it sucks because it's Christmas!! I should be happy! But I'm nowhere close to happy. Not even feeling anything at all.

Well as much as I don't want to admit it, I'm paranoid as crap. No, I'm not proud of it. I hate it when I feel like this because I tend to over think things and wonder if I really over think things or if its just really the truth. Sometimes it just swallows me up and can make me really really nervous that I can't sleep at night thinking about it. So um there's more but I won't say it because you might get bored. Toodles

I hate it when people expect something big from me I mean I don't want to disappoint people gah I just really want to disappear

I always think that people can only be really hurt by the ones they really love and it somehow makes me realize that I need to keep some love for myself because when all the love is given, all you can feel is hurt. And that's not really nice.

I think everyone is too attached with what's going to happen in the future that they forget how to live in the moment. I know they'll say that they want what's best for us blah blah blah. What and if are two different words but you put them together they form another meaning. What if they really know what's best for us? What if its all true? What if what they want is what you don't really want? What if what they want is not really what's best for you? What if you want another thing? What if..

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh aldyxsbsjznkanahshzsbshbzhsshhwuebrjebsuzbeubdhxujsjwussbjsisjajahshdbxjsbszjsnhssjxjsnjamsoasjuesbzubeuzbsudbsuehsuwsbuebssuakdldjcucjhcheosokswllalqpdudbuxhrkwoxljxlsoxiejsjxhshjsajwnbxussjnsxbjxkslaoaoqisyxhbduxxjksncjuxiwnrhdjkxkwndjdxjjjajsjsjsjsjjssjjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjwbushwhjawkakekkziqnaidnisnsjssj. There that's better.

I'd rather lock myself up in an empty room than to listen to you and your useless sermon, hypocrite.

Dear You,

Can you really hate a friend? I-literally-want-to-slap-their-face kind of hate? Sometimes they just cross the line and you can't do anything because they're your friends.. That's not fair.

Just because you're mad at someone doesn't mean you can be mad at me too. I'm not a trash bin that you can dump all your hatred and frustrations so get a grip.

What hurts the most is seeing the person you love, love someone else.

I cut my hair. All of my hair. I didn't like it. I loathe it. Crap.

If you think taking my phone will be for my benefit then your absolutely wrong. It will just lead me to think too much then be paranoid as crap then lose all my confidence and see how shitty I am as a person. So don't you dare think that this little piece of device is hindering me to study well because truth is, it helps me. It helps me break away from this mad and crazy world. It helps me. It helps me.

"Leave me alone because it's my own body"

well I could say the same..

I envy my little cousin for confessing his feelings to his mom. He had enough courage to tell her that he was hurt. I mean, I'm a sixteen-year old girl but when will I be brave enough?

1.) everything becomes complicated
2.) I don't enjoy myself because of family distractions
3.) I prefer being alone than drag people to the "complicateness"(if ever there's such a word) of my life

I hate how much I love reading books. It makes me too attached to the characters.

1.) Why did we lose?
2.) Why does the moon follow me everywhere I go?
3.) Why do I feel useless?

Dear You,

I don't think I'm perfect. Honestly, I haven't even thought about it. I have flaws (a lot actually). I just don't know why people say it directly to your face. I mean, you just can't say to people they're ugly and fat! Well, except if you're really an evil person with no heart then you'd probably have the guts to say that but as for me, I can't do that. I just can't go to someone and tell them their flaws! Who does that? Oh um wait, you do.

And oh in case you didn't get the point, words hurt.. especially when you know it's true.

Dear You,

I tried my blogging capabilities last time but I think it didn't work out. So now, I'm back to square one and I solemnly promise to try harder to blog--not for you, but for me. I don't know how this blog will turn out but I'm sure this will define me and it will be a hell of a blog. Cheers.