Funny how you still scold me with the same things. Funny how you're mad at me for staying in my room. Funny how you're mad at me because I don't socialize and go out. Funny how I'm like this because of you. Funny how you only see the mist. Funny how you're mad at me when I don't talk cause I'm just avoiding misunderstandings. Funny you take things the wrong way yet I just don't want to complicate things that's why i keep quiet. Funny how you tell me I should speak my heart out but I can't and you know that. Funny how when I start to talk then you just put me down again because I'm wrong or because I'm a self-conceited, prideful kid. How am I going to cope huh?

I think that people find new people in their lives and somehow they tend to forget the people they once shared their whole lives with. No it's not their fault, it's just that they found someone to make them happier than the people in the past would. I would just rather say "past people" since I think they made it clear that they started a whole new chapter of their lives. I guess they just moved on without some of the people they practically knew their whole lives. I know most people would be like jealous and stuff but I'm not most people. Surprisingly, I'm just happy for them because they found someone that can make them happy like nobody else could. I mean like you know, they found their happily ever after. Aaand now I left myself wondering if when will I be able to have something like that. Sucks to be me, I guess.

Lately I've been feeling sad and frustrated with everything like every single thing. It just pains me to have my parents doubt me when it comes to my attitude and stuff like they don't even know what they're saying for the most part. Sometimes I just want to laugh at them cause they don't get what I'm going through and I can't even explain it to them because I think it's just a waste if time and energy. I've been grumpy lately not because I'm not getting the iPhone 5 but because he said something that really hurt me but I chose to keep quiet cause I really don't like explaining myself, I just don't. Well probably you would think I'm nuts for feeling like this but everything just piled up. Every hurtful comment from everyone just sank in and it's just painful to hear them from people who don't even know you but it hurts more when people who are close to you say it. I've been feeling crappy for a very very long time but I chose to keep quiet and show everyone that I'm strong and that I could take in every hurtful joke(for them it was) but I had it I'm done I can't even handle this anymore and it sucks because it's Christmas!! I should be happy! But I'm nowhere close to happy. Not even feeling anything at all.

Well as much as I don't want to admit it, I'm paranoid as crap. No, I'm not proud of it. I hate it when I feel like this because I tend to over think things and wonder if I really over think things or if its just really the truth. Sometimes it just swallows me up and can make me really really nervous that I can't sleep at night thinking about it. So um there's more but I won't say it because you might get bored. Toodles

I hate it when people expect something big from me I mean I don't want to disappoint people gah I just really want to disappear

I always think that people can only be really hurt by the ones they really love and it somehow makes me realize that I need to keep some love for myself because when all the love is given, all you can feel is hurt. And that's not really nice.

I think everyone is too attached with what's going to happen in the future that they forget how to live in the moment. I know they'll say that they want what's best for us blah blah blah. What and if are two different words but you put them together they form another meaning. What if they really know what's best for us? What if its all true? What if what they want is what you don't really want? What if what they want is not really what's best for you? What if you want another thing? What if..